hebrews111's Cancer Blog

April 19, 2008

CANCER SUCKS!

Views: 340

Yes, I am frustrated. I hate days like these and they come more often than not lately.

The markers came back high from my last post. High point after original diagnosis is 529. That number came about 8 weeks ago. The next markers will be run in 10 days.

Treatment has changed, Steve is now on Fol-Fox4 with Avastin. He also receives a Neulasta injection on day 3 of treatment. The Neulasta is tough on him. The bone pain is the worst. I found info in a few places showing that certain antihistamines can help to reduce bone pain. We are trying Allegra and hoping it works. The oxaliplatin is causing neuropathy and the 5FU is causing sneezing/cold like symptoms. One of those two causes his head to overheat. He has lost about 14 pounds, by the time he recovers from a treatment cycle the next begins and so for the first time ever I worry about his eating habits.
All that said…

Steve is here with us. He works on the Mustang every chance he gets and on days 10-14 of each cycle he is the old Steve. His faith is strong and I wish he would lend me some once in a while because I still get wrapped up in the worry cycle. I am fortunate enough to be home with him through this and sometimes I forget to be thankful for the time we have. I know this Stage IV stuff is supposed to be it but I just don’t believe that, I can’t imagine anything being stronger than his faith in God’s word that he will be healed.

You know, in the beginning of this cancer battle I thought along the lines of- hey, this is a happening for a reason, we will beat this and every minute is a gift because we have time to make things right. Now my thoughts are firmly in the mind set of CANCER SUCKS. When I see him in pain I feel useless while he suffers. Why couldn’t the importance of God and strong faith lesson have come without the cancer? Sometimes I have to stop and ask myself- Can I really link something as wonderful as faith to cancer? The answer is No. CANCER SUCKS! CANCER SUCKS! CANCER SUCKS! CANCER SUCKS!~ Sorry, I needed to vent ~

(Thank you God, I know, I know…Your will be done, don’t doubt, have faith.)

Cancer and it’s treatment have taken over a big part of our lives, yet there are other parts that are so good… Brianne’s smile, Jill’s laugh, Kristin’s phone calls, flowers in the yard, watching Steve work on the car, a cute new puppy, a smelly old dog, a fat cat, cold watermelon, family, friends, oh, and Grey’s Anatomy is not a rerun this week …how could I even think that I need more.

I feel better, I’ll go check on Steve and take time to enjoy this moment of gratitude.

Yes, Cancer sucks but it doesn’t have to define us, we are blessed, not through cancer but in spite of it. WE ARE BLESSED.

Posted on April 19, 2008 at 11:04:04 PM by Debbie wife of Cancer Survivor Steve A. ( CANCER SUCKS!, 4 comments)

Steve is a blessed man. A family that is supportive and a classic car for therapy. The only thing that would be better is if the car were a classic Harley…lol, sorry.

Throughout Scripture we see God’s people tried and tested. I don’t try to explain or justify, I just take comfort in knowing I am a part of God’s will and am assured of that by the examples of those who came before me.

Hug Steve, enjoy every moment (not just the happy ones) and know that God will never leave you nor forsake you.

You are in my prayers
Mac

Posted on April 20, 2008 at 4:43:15 AM by rigidridr

Hay! you can vent any time you want. We all get here sooner or later.

That is why we are here for the good times and the not so good times.

These people here are part of our family.

“Need to take care of each other”

Posted on April 20, 2008 at 11:15:45 AM by karlak

Debbie; sometimes I stroll through this Blog and read about others and I came upon your story today. We are here for you like family in a way. Whenever you feel like venting or just plain need friends that you can’t see but you likely will hear back from, this is the place to come to. I am so sorry you are going through this with your loved one. The pain is real and for the caregiver it seems to be just as painful for the fact that we just can’t take it away. I was a caregiver for my Mom, Dad, Stepmom and believe me, I was feeling just like you. Sometimes I just cried in a safe place, just to let it all out so I could go on with the caretaking that was required. It takes a lot of energy to do what you do so make sure you save some time for yourself. God bless you and keep us posted. Weezie

Posted on April 28, 2008 at 1:35:05 PM by weezie

Debbie,
You haven’t posted in a while, but I did get your nice comment today. Thank you so much. How is your husband doing? I noticed you are in Clovis. My best friend lives in Clovis. I am outside of Sacramento. I am praying for you and your family. I have not practiced any faith for many years, but I do believe there is power in prayer and I do believe in a higher power. I so admire and envy your strong faith. Much love to you and your family. Gaile

Posted on July 1, 2008 at 8:55:10 PM by gaile

December 26, 2007

Prayer for faith

Views: 572

Tomorrow is a big day for us. The marker test which has gone down from 1700 to 108 is being run again tomorrow. If we hit zero we are celebrating by flying to Arizona to see the Rams play Arizona(and KURT WARNER)and if not then we just keep fighting and watch the game on TV. Either way we have another day and that is more precious than anything else. I have to remind myself of that always.

I say we in this battle a whole heck of a lot. Steve tolerates the treatments and we hurt for him and cheer him on all at the same time. Oh sure he is irritated by all the searches for cures sometimes and the new things he is forced to eat with and without his knowledge. Thanks Mom for the Zeolite, a story for another day that Zeolite. I guess having daughters with cheerleading in their blood helps with the cheering part. GO DAD!

We are near our nine month mark. The ER visit that started this whirlwind was February 13th, 2007 and after a few mishaps with doctors on April 6th we saw Dr. Pascuzzo for the first time and the battle began.
I remember reading the diagnosis alone in the parking lot for the first time and just the thought of how it felt to read those words rips me to pieces. I thank God every day and every moment that I remember to for being there and reminding me that no matter what the diagnosis nothing is impossible through him. That day God drove my car home and helped me to sit beside Steve when the doctor spoke the words I had read and these past few months he has been our only true hope in what medicine deems as hopeless.
Tonight I am blogging to keep my mind off that darn test, and off the CT scan next week.
Okay, so I can’t quote scriptures but this one I know, every time I look for something I see this and it reminds me that faith is stronger than anything. I think this is from Matthew, Jesus reaches out to save him, asking, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” That’s me, taking his hand, and he keeps giving me his hand when I let these test or Steve’s symptoms get me down, I am reminded over and over that I don’t need to doubt yet here I am worried enough that Steve is watching TV alone because I don’t want to go in there and let him see the fear in me right now.
The girls are doing there nails so I should get off this thing and get this house cleaned up after the holiday mess.
God bless us all.

Posted on December 26, 2007 at 10:08:30 PM by Debbie wife of Cancer Survivor Steve A. ( Prayer for faith, 1 comment)

Debbie,
I will pray for your results. But I tell you that 108 down from 1100 is nothing to sneeze at. That is amazing in itself. You sound like a wonderful high energy family. That too is a tremendous blessing. We are all in this together. Let us his results. It may be a New Year in many ways. Don’t be afraid, things happen for a reason, and there will be many opportunities to celebrate.

Posted on December 29, 2007 at 11:40:17 PM by gaile